"You have so much self-confidence!" "I could never be as confident as you." "Where does all this self-confidence come from?"
While most believe these comments are compliments, I find them to be almost insulting...let's discuss why: As a dark skinned, overweight black woman with nappy, natural hair (real/weave/wig), I am everything that society tells you is ugly or non desirable. I am not the standard of beauty, in America and many, many other countries. You will not open a popular, mainstream magazine and see me. You will not click on the television and see a character who looks like me unless it involves a nanny, being oversexualized or a stereotype....yes, even in "black" television shows. Up until a few years ago, you wouldn't even see me in blogs (with the exception of Tumblr; it's always been ahead of the game). Thank God things are slowly changing, but when I hear someone ask me how I became so confident, I hear this: "You're dark, fat and nappy, so how are you pretty? How can you have so much confidence when you're not supposed to??" While this may sound defensive, it is my truth. If I listened to society and others, I would be a miserable person. When people marvel at how well I dress, I have to laugh because in this day and age, with all of social media, you still think a fat women cannot dress well. I don't view being dark, fat and nappy as a disadvantage, but I have tough skin. I am not brave for my fashion choices; I just happen to be a plus sized woman who loves bright colors and unique designs. If dark skin, natural hair and some cellulite are considered flaws, then I want nothing to do with perfection. If you take nothing from this post but one thing, let it be this: Beauty comes in ALL shades, ALL sizes, ALL hair textures. Oh and to answer the question, my self-confidence comes from looking in the mirror and telling myself that I am beautiful, I am worthy, I am deserving of all things good. I find beauty in flaws and you should as well. Be your best you...
Blazer: LA Swapaholics
Scarf worn as top: Slauson Swapmeet